yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
