I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
