I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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