Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize