if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
