why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
