I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
