Only a mothe r could love this liver
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
