I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
