My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
