oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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