drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize