I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
