So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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