i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
