I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
