i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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