I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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