dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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