Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
time to smoke my breakfast
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
