he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
