I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
