This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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