I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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