Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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