i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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