SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
