I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
