Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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