All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
