Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
