I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
