Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
