I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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