So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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