he thought i was a dude.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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