We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
