WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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