Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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