She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's shark week go big or go home
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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