..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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