i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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