Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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