i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
