So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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