I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
