I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
