Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
