we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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