I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize