you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
