i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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