You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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