I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
