Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
