cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
