Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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