you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
