I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There was a lot of him and a little penis
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
