After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
