I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
