wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize