I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
