Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
