If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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