Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
