gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
