"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
