Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
