I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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