Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
