I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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