Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
