I wanna passion pit in your ass
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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