And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
