im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
vagina is talking i cant
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
