Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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