And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
