either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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