she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
