Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My vagina is officially offended.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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