I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize