is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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