I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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