just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
