Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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