Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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