Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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