why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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