i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
