If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
