Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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