And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
